As of October 25th, Happiness 101 will be completely revamped: Here are the highlights:

*Semesters will only be six weeks long.

*Limit of ten students per class.

*Moving back home.

*Classes two hours long.

*A Happiness Social once a month

*Class days and times will change with each semester.

*Still no charge – but there will a deposit of $60.

*Students will only be allowed to take the class once.

Click here for all the details

This same class was offered elsewhere at a cost of $115. You have the opportunity to take the class at no charge.
The first class will begin Monday, October 25th. 7pm

Click here to learn how to apply.

In some pockets of our society it seems not only accepted but expected to complain. I have been keenly aware of this as I have walked along the path of Happiness. Sometimes people do not know how to react when I do not chime in. They have even try to spur me on with “Isn’t that terrible? For some, misery seems to be the bond that relationships are made of. I am thinking of one such person I knew. He took a snippet of information and built his world around this “truth”. He had heard that another person is incapable of truly being happy about your successes; that secretly they are jealous and hope you soon fall on your face. This “truth” IS true – for some people. They are called unhappy people. In Sonja Lyubomirsky‘s book, The How of Happiness, there is a chapter focusing on social comparison. In it, she reveals that in one of her earliest studies they found that unhappy people compare themselves to others in a highly competitive way – even if they were not in a formal competition. They secretly revel in the failure and misfortune of others. Happy people competed – but not with others. They measured themselves against their own standards and therefore could feel happiness when others succeeded.

There ARE people who speak of good news, successes and hopes of the future. Ironically, speaking liberally about one’s good fortune might seem like bragging to some. My guess is that the unhappy person would jump to this conclusion quicker than the happy person. In Happiness 101, we periodically set time aside for “Success Stories”. This is an opportunity for you to speak of your triumphs and successes. Without this permission, some are reluctant to talk about them. How sad that complaining seems more accepted than sharing one’s successes.

There is a remedy though: hang out with happy people. They are out there but you must watch and listen. They can be seen smiling when there seems to be no good reason to do so. They usually complain little. They use hopeful language. If you want to be in conversation with them, I would suggest you do likewise, even if it seems awkward at first. I love having conversations with happy people. I had the good fortune to be contacted by such a person last week. Psychologist Kathy Bell graduated from the Authentic Happiness Coaching Program. She is a facinating person. You can learn more about her and sign up for her newsletter at www.psychologicalprosperity.com In speaking with her I found myself happy, invigorated, hopeful and excited. If you are ready to make a change, join us for Happiness 101. Not only will you learn how to be happy, you will have an opportunity to meet other people who are looking for the same thing.

Frank Clayton, LPC

Invictus is the story of Nelson Mandela following his release from prison. After 27 years of wrongful imprisonment it would be very easy for him to be bitter and even revengeful toward his jailers. When he was voted in as president of South Africa he could have used his power to punish his oppressors. Instead, he used the “weapon” of forgiveness. His black countrymen were very bitter and ready to fight. But President Mandela encouraged them not only to forgive but embrace their oppressors as fellow countrymen. He acknowledged this as no small feat but challenged them to surprise their former enemies with their kindness and compassion.

Instead of the battlefield, Nelson Mandela used a playing field of rugby. Instead of fighting among themselves, he used the fierce competition with other countries to unite his own. This movie is a wonderful reminder of how one man can make an enormous difference. How did he do it? How was he able to forgive his captors and inspire a nation to do the same? A poem. In Happiness 101 I constantly remind students of their power of choice and educate and warn about Happiness Robbers, the agents of victimhood. Nelson Mandela chose. His choices reflect an unwaivering goal: to peacefully unite his nation.

Here is the poem that inspired Nelson Mandela. Let it do the same for you.

Invictus
by William Ernest Henley.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Needless to say (but I am going to say it anyway), I highly recommend Invictus – especially if are ever feeling powerless or depressed.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

I just was told a story by one of my long-time Happiness 101 students. In fact, her attendance record is unblemished. She has been there more than *I* have (I was absent once). She shared with me that she was in the hospital this past week due to fainting spells. The doctors ran many tests but they were still unsure of exactly what was wrong, so they wanted to run an MRI. Many, many people find it challenging to take this test because one must be slid into a small space and lay there, remaining still the whole time. My student described how her heart was pounding at the thought of her body going into that narrow tube. She knew the procedure needed to be done but was very scared. She said she thought of the skills she has learned in the Happiness 101 class and remembered that she ALWAYS has a choice about her attitude. This gave her courage to go forward with the test. She described that once in the tube, she felt nervous and scared but concentrated on happy thoughts, remembering the class and all the good times we have had. When she checks in, she shares with us about the beautiful quilts she has made. She designs each one herself and makes them by hand. So, she used her time in the MRI tube to design intricate new quilt – all in her head. This helped to keep her calm and still FOR AN HOUR!!! She said the tech was very impressed that she was able to remain so calm and still for such a long period of time. She said once she began thinking of designing the quilt, staying in the tube “was easy”. I have cried because of pain and I have cried for happiness, but I don’t think I have ever cried from pride for another person – until now. Thank you, dear lady, for being first my student and now my teacher.
~Frank Clayton, Licensed Professional Counselor

P.S. To date the doctors still do not know what is wrong with her. I’ll keep you posted.

Many people are quick to see what is wrong, rather than what is right. I’ve come to think of people who are quick to see the negative as having strong negative muscles. This is not to say they do not have positive muscles, they are just under-developed. So, the exercises to follow are designed to pump up your positive muscles. Before you begin your positive workout, let’s clarify what a positive is: a positive is anything for which you can be thankful for or just appreciate. It does not have to be big and it need not be a personal accomplishment.
Here are some tips and different spins on how to get the most out of your positive workout:
Be specific. Instead of just thinking, “I am grateful for my friends” name each friend and think of something about each person that you appreciate. Always include WHY you are thankful.
Savor. Your gratitude list can feel like your grocery list without this important ingredient. Think about what it is you are appreciating and stretch yourself to think of the many reasons you might be grateful for that thing.
Today. Think of anything and everything that you could be grateful for that happened today. Each day is unique. Trust me, as you start to think over your day, the positives will pop into your mind. The more you look the more you find.
Reverse appreciation. Think of anything that you would be mad, sad or otherwise upset if you lost it tomorrow. If you woke up tomorrow and your radio was gone, you’d probably be upset! So, why can’t you appreciate your radio today? This works for many, many things that you may be taking for granted, such as your kidneys or that little screw that holds up your towel rack. If they were suddenly gone tomorrow, you would likely grouse. So appreciate your healthy kidney today and that your towel rack still does it job rather than adding another thing to your to-do list.
Random gratitude. Pick random items and challenge yourself as to how you can appreciate it or be thankful for it. For instance, one time I randomly chose “lint” and ended up with some delightful surprises.
Challenge yourself. For a real challenge, try looking for the positive in things usually thought of as negative. For instance: what good came of 9-11? What are some positives that resulted from World War II?
Milk it. Choose one thing and think of ALL the things that had to happen for that thing to be in your possession. For instance, I once looked at the milk in the bottom of my cereal bowl and thought of everything that was connected to bringing me that milk. Sure, the cow, the farmer and the store that sold it to you are easy, but what about the grass that fed the cow? The milking machine. The INVENTOR of the milking machine. The driver of the truck that brought it to the store. How about every inventor and manufacturer that brought the existence of that truck into being – for without all those pieces that make up the truck, or if those pieces broke down, maybe no milk for us. How about the highway he drove on and everyone that brought that into existence. I’m just hitting the highlights on this one to give you an idea. You could spend hours contemplating just one of today’s modern conveniences.
Ultimate challenge. Think of someone for which you harbor resentment, anger or even (gasp!) hatred. Now, start listing things you appreciate about that person, positive characteristics or how you in any way you grew because they were in your life.

Do not get frustrated if you have trouble performing some of the more difficult exercises the first time. Like your experience at the gym, you might need to strengthen your muscles before tackling the heaviest of weights.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor