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I hate to admit this, but I probably have just a bad a case of “monkey mind” as most everybody else. ‘Probably because I don’t meditate (like most everybody else). However, I have a deep commitment to walk the path of Happiness and so I am giving it a try. I went to Barnes and Noble (I like the one on 21st and 11th East) and picked up two books: Meditation for Dummies and the 8 Minute Meditation book by Victor Davich. I flipped through both and because through my flipping Davich kept promising “simple”, “easy” and “straight-forward” information about meditation and that I would be up and meditating in no time. So, I went with that. I DO like Davich’s style. Very little fat. Straight-forward. He states that meditation IS doing something – where I always thought it was the absence of doing something. I’m up to page 23 and have tried a couple of his mini meditations. He suggested focusing on where you feel your breath the most. This was a wonderful little exercise as, in my mind, I gave attention to the various parts of my body that allow me to breathe. I noticed a tightness in my throat, about two inches below my Adam’s apple. I found that with some attention, I could relax those muscles (whatever they’re called) a little. I also noticed tension in my shoulders and with a little attention was able to let some of that go as well. I ended today’s reading with a great slice of statistical data – Davich’s reference to a study out of the University of Wisconsin that has proven that a regular regimine of meditation can “encourage the brain to physically rewire itself to be Happier (Time 8/4/03; The New York Times Magazine, 9/14/03). Now they’re playing my song!
~Frank Clayton, LPC and meditation newbie
In the last couple of articles I have been talking about fun (
In her book, The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky writes this about people struggling with depression, “Their problem, it turns out, is not so much that they anticipate bad things will come to pass as that they cannot believe that GOOD things will.” Hopelessness is one of the key components to depression. Concentration camp survivor, Viktor Frankl described in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning that when one of his peers knuckled under Nazi abuse and gave up hope, they were dead within two weeks. Hope and optimism are important ingredients in the recipe of Happiness. They are future oriented. It lifts our spirits when we have something to look forward to – something enjoyable – something FUN! As the old saying goes, “Know thyself”. It is very important that you understand what is FUN for you. Please think of things now that are fun for you. Write them down. I suggest that when you write them down because during turbulent times, we can have great difficulty thinking of anything fun at all. Writing this down will begin, what I call, “The Arsenal”. It is anything that will help to pull you out of a down mood (jokes, movies, songs and FUN activities). You might start by remembering fun times. You should start to see a pattern emerge as you write your list. Also, please ask yourself, “Is this REALLY fun?” For instance, you might have “crossword puzzles” filed in your head as fun, but is it really? It might be for you, but I ask you to think carefully about each item on your list. Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology has much to say on this subject. In the next article I will discuss important points of fun and how you can get more mileage out of it and ultimately be Happier.
Why aren’t we happier? There are a few reasons why people are not nearly as happy as they think they should be. One of these reasons is comparison. Here is a personal example. Everyone I knew had a cool new phone, so I wanted a cool new phone. So, I went to the phone store and found one that had lots and bells and whistles and gadgets and doohickeys! My techie geek glands kicked into gear and I started salivating and my eyes glazed over and I said “I want THAT one!” I was SO excited! I couldn’t wait to get it home and start playing with my new toy. Which had a very thick instruction booklet. In fact, here were online tutorials where I could learn how to use my brand new doohickey! There were so many thingybobs on my doohickey that before long I was frustrated. “I just want to make a call!” I shouted at the phone (though no one was listening). So, the phone was so complicated that it took me months before I had read enough of the instruction booklet, watched enough tutorials and called technical support enough that I felt comfortable even using the phone, let alone take pictures, E-mail with it and listen to my favorite music on it. The BEST feeling I had about that phone was in the store! So, what I thought was going to make me happy, didn’t! Before I go on, think about YOU. Think about your own life. How many times did you get what you wanted and it turned out that wanting was a better experience than having? Maybe it wasn’t with something as material as a phone. Maybe it was the job, or your spouse or having a child. Please take a moment to reflect before reading on.
I have been teaching Happiness 101 as part of my private practice since April ’09 and only a month ago did I learn that former Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar released a DVD called “
