The Happiness Consultation is designed for people who want to be Happier fast and/or have a schedule that makes coming to Happiness 101 difficult. It is also convenient because consultations can be done in the comfort of your home via telephone.

• You will receive a copy of the text used in Happiness 101
• Track your level of happiness and depression
• Discover your innate personal strengths
• Create a Happiness Plan tailor made for you
• Receive a total of one hour consultation with a professional specializing in Positive Psychology

Cost is only $100! Cash, check, credit-cards and Pay-Pal accepted.

E-mail me to arrange for your Happiness Consultation today

Frank Clayton, Licensed Professional Counselor

SALT LAKE CITY, Frank Clayton, KSL Contributor — In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl noted that one thing the Nazis could not take away from their captives was their attitude. Mindfully choosing your attitude and thereby your subjective experience is one of the cornerstones of my class, Happiness 101. I pound, “You always, always, always have a choice!” Unfortunately, many people are either unaware of the unhappy choices they are making or unaware that they can make a different choice. I will use the holiday season as an example.

I have heard people complain about various aspects of the holiday season that they dislike. “Ugh! I have to go Christmas shopping.” “I hate putting up the tree.” “Christmas is so commercial and superficial!” You can almost hear them say, “Bah-humbug!” In each of these scenarios, choices are being made. The person might believe “this is just the way it is” and therefore make no effort to change their subjective experience. They might not be aware that this is an attitude they are choosing.

There are things that we as human beings have control over. The most overlooked of these is our belief system. We have beliefs about virtually everything. Once those beliefs are put into place, they are usually accepted at least subjectively as the truth. We base our decisions and experience our lives based on these “truths.” If you believe “life sucks” then that belief is going to permeate throughout your life. Likewise, if you believe “like is amazing,” that too will greatly effect your life. In the KSL article, the Eight Steps to Happiness, I offer a specific method to changing your subjective experience. This works well to change deep-rooted beliefs but also behaviors which effect our happiness daily.

Research has found that we make better decisions when we solicit feedback from others (Dan Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness). In that Christmas spirit, I asked some of my Facebook friends for suggestions on how we might turn these unhappy holiday experiences in to happy ones. Here were some of the suggestions:

To make Christmas shopping more enjoyable, Diane and Ericka suggested shopping online. Mrs. Roundy said to keep things in “perspective …. people watch, go with a trusted friend and enjoy lunch. Also, give yourself more time.” I especially liked Cat’s comment, “Instead of focusing on how ‘I’ feel, I try to think of others and how they might be feeling. Who are they, who are they buying gifts for, do they seem happy or harried? When I smile more and ‘get out of myself’ more, it’s a different experience.”

For those that may sour Christmas with a belief that it is superficial, Kelly suggested that we “focus on ‘the reason for the season’ — give gifts of time or homemade.” Ms. Barney thought we should “Make handmade cards and write to the people you care about and tell them why you are grateful to have them in your life. You could include a ‘coupon’ redeemable for an act of service or spending time with them in the coming year.” Lisa said it well, “If I connect with the concepts of generosity in giving and in seeing God/joy in the faces of strangers and allow the birth of joy and light within me, I will enjoy the entire month.”

To put the joy into decorating the Christmas tree, Mrs. Potter suggested removing the step of putting on the lights by purchasing a pre-lit tree. Valerie suggested the personal touch, “We buy a new ornament for loved ones each year and make it a personal happy experience.” This would spark a walk down memory lane of Christmases past and the wonderful experiences found there. Kelly suggested adding “family, music, tradition, treats” to the decorating experience. Catalina thought outside of the Christmas box by luxuriating in a Christmas free of decorations.

I especially like Catalina’s suggestion because it puts choice back into the holiday season. If we believe that we have to do something, there is often a heavy sense of obligation and possibly resentment. Reframing a “have to” into a “get to” can make a small but powerful difference. Do you really have to go Christmas shopping? No. You could choose not to participate. You may ultimately choose to do so anyway but just recognizing that you have a choice can be enough to rekindle the holiday spirit.

If having a happy holiday season were a choice, what would you choose? Since it is a choice, I invite you to explore your attitudes and behaviors. Use the Eight Steps to Happiness to become mindful of choices you might be making that lead to holiday grumpiness. Develop a robust pool of alternatives that might lead to a happier holiday. Make a new choice. If you do not like the result, you are still probably better off than you were when you started and you can always go back to your brainstorming pool to make another choice. Use this method to have a happy holiday season. But why stop there? You can choose a happy new year and a happy life. It is, of course, your choice.

I am so glad about the way our car broke down

My wife and I drove south to Sedona on the day before Thanksgiving to rendezvous with my mother-in-law.  Just after Kenab, the battery warning light came on the console of my wife’s Saturn Vue – which is a hybrid.  I predicted that the light would go out within 5 minutes.  I was wrong.  The owner’s manual advised to service the vehicle as soon as possible.  The next town was Page, Arizona.  Another 20 miles down highway 89, another warning light came on – this time brining into question the working order of the brake system. By the time we saw the lights of Page, electrical systems were shutting down one at a time.  As we came down the hill to Page, when my wife applied the brakes, the headlights, rear lights and all lights inside the vehicle (including lights on the console) flittered out.  When she released the brakes, the lights came back on.  Of course, going down a hill, brakes are more important than lights. We came to rest on the 89 and the corner of a main intersection.

Now, being the happy therapist, you might think that I just whipped out my optimism and said “No problem”, right?  Well, not exactly.  One of the first things I teach in Happiness 101 is to be real and acknowledge how you actually feel.  I was disappointed and concerned.  There were some real challenges that needed to be addressed: What is wrong with the car and how are we going to get to Sedona?  Another thing I teach in Happiness 101 is that happier people are more likely to see solutions to problems and look for things that are going right, rather forecasting doom.

The first thing I found myself grateful for: the fact that we had cell phone service.  My wife and I immediately began exploring our options.  We remembered that we had AAA AND my wife remembered that our car insurance covers towing.  I called AAA and she called the car insurance company.  10pm the night before Thanksgiving and agents answered at both agencies – something else to be grateful for – and they were both nice!  Insurance would cover $100 of towing.  AAA would cover 100 miles of towing and had “trip interruption coverage” – which meant they were willing to pay up to $1,000 of reimbursement for anything that might help us get back on our way, including hotel stays, meals and rental car!   ‘Lots of good news, but we were still stuck beside the road…. Well, I was going to say “in the middle of no where” but anywhere north or south of Page was the REAL “middle of no where”.  By comparison, Page was a thriving metropolis.  Boasting a population of 9,000, luckily one of those residents was a tow truck driver.  While  we waited, my wife and I counted our blessing.  While chilly, temperatures were tolerable – a real blessing because we had no heat at all.  Another blessing was that “civilization” was only a short walk to the Radisson Hotel.  Our vehicle was also well lit, so there would be less likely that we would be hit.  We were also thankful that we had our cell phone because they also doubled as flashlights.  I was especially thankful that I had thought to charge mine shortly before the car trouble began.  We were also very appreciative of the couple that stopped to make sure we were okay.  There was a real reassurance in that small gesture that helped us during those long minutes.  The thing I was most grateful for was the partnership of my optimistic wife.  While she did express concern about the vehicle, she was quick to point out how lucky we were to be in Page and how bad things might have been had the brakes gone out on a steep leg of our trip.  We were grateful that we were able to travel with our vehicle in the towtruck to Flagstaff.  We appreciated the tow-truck driver, B.J..  A friendly fellow who made good conversation – one who talked but did not talk TOO much.  He was warm and when we thanked him for rescuing us on Thanksgiving eve, though he has a wife and daughter, he assured us with a nice “it’s all part of the job” response. We were glad that BJ recommended taking the car to a dealership that would be properly equipped to deal with the problem.  It was also directly across the street from a nice hotel – and they had an opening!  The staff there greeted us with warmth and expediency, recognizing the harried look of two worn holiday travelers.  They even gave us the late check-in discount.  I think they were just showing mercy on us when it was needed the most.  The warmth of the hotel bed was a welcome and a stark contrast to the chill of the roadside breakdown.

My wife woke me gently after the Jacuzzi tub washed away any traces of negativity from our predicament.  She announced that my mother-in-law would arrive to pick us up in a matter of minutes.  Upon checking out, the morning staff offered the very first “Happy Thanksgiving” greeting of the day with a genuine note of warmth.  I remembered how lucky I am to live in such an amazing place: where there is warmth and care and good people ready to lend a hand.  I thanked both of the women at the front desk for working on a holiday and they verbalized their appreciation for acknowledging this.  After all, they have families and friends too.  Were no one willing to work, there would be no warm, safe hotel to offer haven.  Moments later, the smile and hug of my mother-in-law felt like the crossing of a great finish line.  The race not about car repair, but  about giving thanks – and I won.

Frank Clayton, the Happy Therapist

In his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl noted that when fellow prisoners lost hope, they were dead within two weeks. The Nazis certainly cultivated an environment of hopelessness, but Frankl noted that hope was not something the Nazis could take from a prisoner; It had to be surrendered by its owner. The point of Frankl’s gripping story is that we always, always, always have a choice. We can always choose to be optimistic, despite the circumstances.

Optimists live longer, are liked more, make more money, are more happily married and are more likely to get the job and advance in their career more swiftly than their pessimistic counterparts. As you might imagine, optimists tend to be happier, while pessimists lean toward depression.

In her book, “The How of Happiness,” Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky pointed out that depressed people are not concerned that something bad will happen in their future. They are depressed because they forecast that nothing good will happen. Pessimism continues to cultivate their depression.

People are born optimistic and learn to be pessimistic. There is a spectrum of optimism ranging from Pollyanna to Eeyore, with many shades of gray in between. These shades are determined by one’s explanatory style.

When things go right or wrong, how do you explain it? In his book, “Learned Optimism,” Dr. Martin Seligman dissected optimism and pessimism and found three distinct components: permanence, pervasiveness and whether one blames themselves or external forces.

Here’s an example: If I have unsuccessfully tried to sell my car for the past three months, and I say it’s because “I can’t do anything right,” would this statement be true? Of course not. However, if this thought goes unchecked, I will experience feelings of hopelessness. When I used statements like these, it’s insinuated that I cannot ever do anything right, so there is a tone of permanence: that I could not do anything right yesterday, cannot do anything right today and will not be able to do anything right tomorrow. In these situations, I can ask myself, “Is it really true that I can never do anything right?” Even in a bad mood, it is easy to see that this statement is simply not true.

On the issue of pervasiveness, I made a very broad statement after experiencing frustration about a specific situation (difficulty selling the car). When I said, “I can’t do anything right,” I indicated that not only can I not sell my car, I cannot do anything right at work, at home, with friends, at play, etc. In other words, my bungling runs through and through, no matter what arena I may enter. How depressing. How false! Stopping to ask myself what things I do right in other areas of my life reminds me that while I might be having a difficult time in this particular situation, it does not mean I am entirely inept.

Finally, am I blaming myself or forces outside of myself? In the example, the optimist explains her difficulty in selling the car by saying, “It’s not a buyer’s market.” This takes self-blame out of the equation entirely. She is not using the words “I” or “me” in her explanation. Checking this statement for pervasiveness and permanence, it is easy to discern that there is hope because it is insinuated that the poor market for buying cars will pass, and because she used language for the specific situation, she is not proclaiming doom for all of her selling endeavors.

A word of caution about blaming outside forces: While optimists might not blame themselves for bad things that happen (or do not happen), this should be used cautiously. Attributing all happenings to outside forces can have a nasty backlash. If one blames “fate,” “luck” or other cosmic forces, it can result in giving oneself a pass rather than taking full responsibility for one’s actions. In Happiness 101, I teach empowerment with fervor. If you want to be happy, you absolutely must take full responsibility for that happiness.

This has been a crash course in the mechanics of optimism and pessimism. As I wrote in The Eight Steps to Happiness, you must start by being mindful. Become aware of your explanatory style. Catch yourself making negative statements and ask yourself, “Is that really true?” It is very likely you will realize that your pessimistic statement is not true at all and will find yourself feeling more hopeful.

Hopelessness is a serious issue in our state. Utah ranks in the top 10 for suicide in the nation and is thefourth largest consumer of antidepressants in the country. This is why I have been teaching Happiness 101 to the public free of charge for the past two-and-a-half years. It is the reason I am teaching a six-week webinar in October — so people in the at-risk, rural areas of Utah may learn about optimism and other aspects of positive psychology. I want to restore hope to people who are depressed or suicidal and spread happiness.

Hopelessness breeds depression. Hope cultivates happiness. Which will you choose?

Frank Clayton, Licensed Professional Counselor (a.k.a. The Happy Therapist)

Waking on the 4th and final day of the International Positive Psychology Association’s 2^nd Congress was exciting.  More opportunities to learn but also I am going home today!  It’s been great to be here in Philadelphia, but as Dorothy said “There’s no place like home”.  When I offered to split a cab with fellow IPPA attendees, I got to experience reciprocity immediately when new found friend, David, told me that there was a shuttle that went from the hotel to the airport for a mere $10 AND I could reserve it for a specific time rather than potentially fighting the masses of not one but two conferences that let out at the same time.  This put any travel concerns to rest and let me relax and enjoy the rest of the conference.  Today was shorter than the rest with an opening by Richard Davidson, followed by two sets of break-out sessions, lunch then a joint finale with Richard Davidson and Barbara Fredrickson showcasing their best and brightest with cutting-edge research.

But first I started with my daily dose of Lynn Johnson.  It’s been wonderful to have someone I know and recognize from Salt Lake City.  His smile keeps me tethered to home while sowing the crops of positive psychology in Philly.  We swapped stories of our happy adventures.  I told him about Jane McGonigal’s amazing game (“Superbetter” and he told me of his favorite part of the conference so far (the opening comments). He especially praised Seligman for the ambitiousness of his dreams and goals.  We talked about which workshop to attend next.  I told him I was debating between two but when he told me that Jonathan Haidt was speaking, that slammed it: I was in!  Lynn and I went in together.  To my delight, Haidt was speaking first.   Just a little background: Jonathan Haidt has written some of the best 2.0 books on Happiness available.   He spoke of the vagus nerve that runs from the base of the brain to the heart.  This is literally the path from the head to the heart.  When we see something inspiring, there is more activity in the vagus nerve.  He said that when we view some things, we release chemicals into the body that make us feel a sense of connection to the world in general, but in other instances a different chemical is released that causes us to feel warm and fuzzy much more specifically – to the people closest to us.  For instance, this chemical is released while women are breast feeding, which helps them to bond to their infant child.  Fascinating stuff!  His talk was amazing.  I’m really glad Lynn told me about it.

For the final breakout session of the conference, I chose a workshop on doing a proper assessment and making a treatment plan using positive psychology.  This may have been the best workshop yet.  Michael Frisch offers a wonderful self-test that covers 16 different areas of a person’s life and weights them by how much value the person puts into that particular thing.  This is significant because people are different from one another and what works for one person, will not work for another.  He then tests the individual to see how they are doing in these 16 areas.  The report that spits out is a customized snapshot of the things that are important to that person and how they are doing in that area.  Not only that, Frisch offers a specific plan to improve eve all 16 areas – so no matter HOW you want to improve your life, he has an action plan for ya.  I was not able to get his book, but I am very, very interested and may be incorporating this into Happiness 101 rather quickly.

For lunch I went out.  I found a street vendor selling Philly steak sandwiches.  How appropriate.  My first meal and my last meal in Philadelphia would be a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich.   It was good too!  (Bonus!)  Back inside, I was a little early so I took a seat right up front.  This puts me right in front of the movie screen where slides are shown and allows me to take pictures of presenter’s slides to look at later.  This also put me in close proximity of the giants of positive psychology.  Sure enough, Richard “Richie” Davidson was only across the aisle and one seat over!  I did not think I would get a photo op because I had to leave as SOON as it was over (if not before) to catch my flight.  I introduced myself and gushed my praise without restriction.  Dr. Davidson has unearthed findings in his laboratory that have forced positive psychologists to rethink the limitations of happiness – and here he was shaking my hand.  He had a real softness of spirit about him.  I could see how he was able to call His Holiness The Dalai Lama “friend”.  And here he was shaking my hand (part 2).  Amazing.  I acknowledged his busy schedule (they were due to go on stage in mere minutes) and asked to take a picture with him.  I felt truly humbled.

Minutes later, Barbara Fredrickson took the stage and quickly introduced the next generation of shining stars in the area of positive psychology.  The theme of nearly all of the students centered on the profound effect that meditation on loving kindness has -  not only on individuals but in relationships.  It was amazing to watch scientists use graphs and complicated flow charts to explain love.  Love was actually measured by the release of chemicals in the body.  There were able to scientifically prove what increases love of self and others.  Students echoed what I learned in Jonathan Hadit’s classroom only hours before – about the vagus nerve, speaking of “vagal tone”.  In one study, with scientific precision, scientists were able to show that meditation on loving kindness strengthens the vagal tone, which increases one’s capacity to love, which increases the statistical probability that that person will behave more lovingly to their fellow man (as  evidence by a “game” of reciprocity used in the laboratory).  Definitely cutting edge – as promised.    I left that lecture and that conference, filled to the brim with new ideas for my practice, for Happiness 101, for the webinar in October and Happiness 201.  That’s right, Happiness TWO-oh-one. Fasten your safety belt.

Frank Clayton, the Happy Therapist

If you missed the first half of this post, please click here.  If you’d prefer to start at day one, click here.

Happy Therapist Frank Clayton with SuperBetter Hero Jane McGonigal

To be perfectly honest, I was so excited about my exchange with Jane McGonigal, I had trouble focusing in the next workshop (which I was running late for since I had been stalking Jane).  Too bad too because the talk focused on self-efficacy.  This is not a measurement of how well you can do something, but a measurement of how well you THINK you will do something.  Obviously if you do not think you are capable of climbing from the hole of depression, then that will effect how hard you try (if you try at all).  The presenter was heralded as an expert with so many accolades, the person introducing him had to skip that or there would have been no time for the presentation itself.  He was well-polished with Powerpoint slides popping about every minute.  However, there was virtually no interaction with the audience – not even at the end.  The information itself was well-researched and thorough – TOO thorough.  I am a pretty smart guy but this stuff was even over my head.  I am grateful that I will have the opportunity to later go over the slides again and hopefully be able to better absorb it.  One thing is clear: our self-efficacy is a very important piece of motivation, especially when it comes to happiness.  One thing I did get out of the talk is that self-efficacy can be measured and improved upon.

Ryan Niemiec’s presentation on the what to do after a client (or student) has taken then Values In Action Character Strengths Survey was very refreshing.  Ryan was very engaging and flat-out fun!  We started with a meditation to get us centered.  Soon-after he posed the question: once you have established what your client’s strengths are, and you only had 30 minutes to spend with them and had only two suggestions to make, what would you say or do?  He had us break into pairs to brainstorm.  I had two partners, both wore a broad, warm smile.    Their answers were as similar as their affect: challenge the client to use their top strengths and apply it to their current, primary problem.  I took a more “teach a man to fish” approach suggesting that since I only had 30 minutes with the client that they identify their top five strengths and check in with themselves on a daily basis using habits taught in Happiness 101.  This would keep their strengths at the forefront of their mind.  Many, many wonderful suggestions were made by Ryan and by other audience members.  There are many, many ways to apply strengths once they are identified.  Ryan pointed out that only about 1/3 of people even know their signature strengths.  If YOU would like to be happier, I suggest you click here, sign up (takes two seconds) and take the questionnaire, VIA Character Strengths Survey

We had an hour and a half break and then it was time for the gala!  I slipped into an unused to write to you.  I immerged hearing a band loudly playing “Happy Days Are Here Again”.  I smiled, assured I was in the right place.  So imagine my surprised when I came up the escalator to – nothing.  No one.  Gone.  Alone.  “Where is everyone?”   I went to the large room where the posters exhibit had been held.  ‘Packed up.  Gone.  Empty.  “Where’d  they go?” I said, this time aloud.  I checked the itinerary, the location  of the gala was not at the Marriott.  It was being held at the National Convention Center!  Suddenly I VAGUELY remembered a rep from the conference saying something about shuttles.  Downstairs the concierge said the National Convention Center was one block away.  No problem.  I walked outside.  It was raining.  No problem.  I walked one block to the National Convention Center.  There was little sign of life.  I tried one door, then another.  I walked under cover to a parking lot attendant who informed there were no events happening at the National Convention Center.  Checking the program again, blinking twice I saw that the gala was at the National CONSTITUTION Center.  Note to self: update glasses prescription.   The parking lot attendant was sweet and without my asking she made some phone calls and found out that the Constitution Center was located on 6^th and Race.  I was at 13^th and Race.  7 blocks.  No problem.  I’d seen taxis all over town.  Walking one block under cover and half block with no cover from the rain, I hailed a cab and within minutes was there.

My friend Patrea

Inside, it was not raining and there was a multicultural cornucopia of smiling, warm, friendly faces – including one I recognize – Patrea!.  She is a therapist in private practice in Wellington Point, Australia.  She is an excellent conversationalist and we were soon joined by Suzi visiting from Istanbul.  Suzi is an educator hoping to bring positive psychology to the school system in Turkey.  We were joined by Svein from Norway.  He is a psychologist and professor at the University of Tromso and wants to incorporate more positive psychology into the program there.  What an amazing group of people!  We consoled Svein about the tragedy in Norway.  He said it was difficult to be away from his home country at this time of mourning.  He told of one survivor that embodied the spirit of Post Traumatic Growth who said that if one man could spread so much hate, imagine how much love and compassion could be generated by thousands of people.  So they rallied.  Svein said there are only five million people in all of Norway.  On the day of the rally, he said 200,000 people peacefully demonstrated in the capital city.  What an amazing example.  The food was good.  The conversation was even better.  Several other people swirled in and out of the conversation including a medical student from India and father/daughter team from Canada.  It was a very inclusive atmosphere.  I felt that I could walk into any circle of people and not only join but be welcomed.  I will tell you it was a little strange to be standing in the heart of such an American town, yet be a minority.

A special guest appearance was made by none other than Benjamin Franklin!  Well, you know, a guy that looked, dressed and acted like Ben.  He a good choice because while positive psychology is a relatively new field of scientific study, history has studied and worked to achieve the allusive butterfly “Happiness” as long as history itself.  Benjamin Franklin was a good choice as he made great strides toward personal happiness, serving as an example to others and sharing freely his ideas to live the good life.  “Ben” was witty and spoke of other historic figures as political pals with whom he enjoyed meeting and verbally chewing over policy and circumstance.  For just a moment “Ben” brought alive for me.  The silhouette of Independence Hall loomed quietly in the back ground.  The rain fell outside.  Inside all was well.

The proprietor of The Constitution Center informed that for us to fully appreciate the contents of this historic building, we would have to spend over 17 hours there.  In  about 17 hours, I would be poised to return home.  One exhibit I could not pass up were the statues of the historic scene: the signing of The Constitution.  What an amazing group of intellectuals, though not nearly as “lively” as “Ben”.  I did my best to embrace their “stoicism” and hey, one great thing about them: they didn’t interrupt when I started into one of my rips about happiness.

All-in-all, Day 3 surpassed even Day 2 (which I did not think was possible). When I awake I would have the privilege to see Richard Davidson take the stage.  “Richy” is one of the giants when it comes to researching happiness.  As I laid down to sleep, I felt happy as I anticipated hearing him speak.

Frank Clayton, the Happy Therapist

P.S.  Somehow I lost all of my pictures for this part of the day.  Sorry!

Wow! What an absolutely amazing day! In case you’re just “tuning in”, today is day 3 of the 2nd Congress of the International Positive Psychology Association.
Here are the highlights:

• Barbara Fredrickson (author of my #2 pick on Happiness, Positivity) talked about Love
• Meeting Todd Kashdan and (what may be his last) talk at IPPA
• Possible collaboration with positive psychologist and local, Lynn Johnson
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with a Positive Spin
• Positive Computing
• Meeting Jane McGonigal and using her on-line game to enhance Happiness 101
• How much you think you can do something effects whether (and how hard) you try *
• The use of strengths in therapy – the intermediate lesson *
• Gala and the National Constitution Center *

* I will report on these tomorrow.

It was much cooler today. A blessing for my walk to my third download of information in the realm of positive psychology, a.k.a. Happiness! As I walked through City Hall in (literally) the heart of Philadelphia, I hummed a little tune. I was distracted by the richness and variety of the people as I walked. Per haps distracted enough by the suits, the homeless, the street venders, the skaters and the provocative dress, the song’s lyrics did not bubble to the surface until in the shadow of the Downtown Marriott. I murmured, “All you need is love. Bump-ba bump-ba bump. All you need is love. Bump-ba bump-ba bump. All you need is love, love – love is all you need.” As I realized I was humming a Beatles standard, I also realized that the topic of Barbara Fredrickson’s talk was “Love: A new lens on the science of thriving”

Fredrickson surprised me! She said that love is not sex, a connection or unconditional. Fredrickson admitted that these things are by-products of love, but not love itself. She purported that love, like all emotions, is fleeting but that there are many conditions we can create to make more of it. She spoke of the importance of really connecting with others, stressed the importance of communicating (both verbally and non-verbally) and how positives interactions strengthen love bonds. Fredrickson said that love is not something that occurs solo but is the result of a relationship between two or more people. It was a fascinating talk and I will definitely be writing about and referring to this talk more in the future.

Frank and Todd Kashdan

I mentioned in yesterday’s blog that I saw Todd Kashdan speak and would see him speak again tomorrow (now today) if given the chance. Boy did I! As I approached the door, he was sitting in the hall chatting with an attendee. I’ve become conference savvy enough to know that once a speaker has spoken, they are usually rushed by people who want to congratulate them or ask questions. I had Todd Kashdan all to myself for a minute! I introduced myself and gushed my appreciation and admiration for his outspoken nature. I admitted that I had referred to him yesterday in my blog as “the gadfly of positive psychology”. He laughed and said he would love to read it and asked me to E-mail him the link. I emphasized the importance that someone be brave enough to speak the truth about positive psychology – even when it is not necessarily positive. He thanked me for my encouragement. Another bloke came up and asked Todd to take a picture. Todd joked that the man could sit on his knee like Santa. Laughingly, the man ended up draped across Todd’s lap. I wanted my picture as well and took advantage of the light-hearted spirit of the situation to sit on Todd’s lap while a young lady took pictures on my iPhone. As I posed, playing the role of the Christmas present hopeful, I told Todd “…and I want to be happy and I want joy and I want world peace and….” He laughed again and went in to speak.

Inside, instead Todd taking the podium three budding positive psychology researchers spoke for approximately 15 minutes each. When Todd did take the microphone, he said that he had been told 45 minutes before the workshop was to begin, that he was not actually going to speak, but facilitate for the other three speakers. He did speak for 5-10 minutes though. I was relieved – this is what I came for! To my surprise he called for more openness, claiming the IPPA was too structured and that using a “top down” hierarchy, missing an opportunity to hear from people who might be able to contribute to the movement but were not given a platform to do so because they lack credentialing. Todd said that he and his partner (whom he claimed to be sitting in the metaphorical side-car (which I find hard to believe given Todd’s outspoken personality)) were starting a grass-roots movement that will be “what IPPA should be”. I admire Todd’s chutzpah.

After he spoke, I stood in the expected line to speak to Todd again. I told him I appreciated his point of view and his desire for the movement in positive psychology to be all-inclusive. I told him about my passion for helping people and my willingness to go outside the box to do it. For instance: the Happiness 101 webinar to help reduce suicide in the state of Utah. I was very animated and passionate as I spoke of this and Todd said he liked my style and invited me to contact him about my efforts. ‘Couldn’t ask for a much better outcome than that

During the half hour break between workshops, I went downstairs to look at some of the posters made for the conference. They were quite elaborate covering a wide array of topics including topics such as flourishing, cultivating character strengths, sports, motivation as well as gender and cultural specific issues. Truly an amazing collection. I took many pictures but I am honestly not sure I can share them due to potential copyright violation. If I find that I can share some in the future, I will.

While perusing the fine work, Lynn Johnson stopped by that we could get our daily dose of one another. He was taking in the workshops that might apply positive psychology to improve organizations, while I leaned toward workshops that I could use either in Happiness 101 or with clients in private practice. Lynn mentioned the book he is working on and encouraged me to write my own (I have been getting this suggestion a lot lately). I DO love to write (as you can see). I asked if he is still planning to do a workshop of his own in Salt Lake. He said he was and we spoke briefly of possible collaboration. We became so engrossed in good, happy conversation, neither of us noticed we were late for our next workshop. Off we went.

I stumbled into Fredrike Bannink’s called “Positive CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Changing the Focus from Repairing What is Worst to Creating Best in CBT. She had some AMAZING things to say! She gave some fantastic analogies. For instance, she said if we (as therapists) were taxi cab drivers, and someone jumped into our cab, the first thing we would ask would be “Where to?” and if the person did not know where they wanted to go, we would not just start driving! We would ask questions and gather information until we were clear on where they wanted to go. So too it should be with therapy. We should immediately find out where the client wants to go and help them to get there. If you have read this far into this blog, you are a truly dedicated reader and I want to reward you for that by sharing an amazing exercise she had us do. Bannink told us to look around and find the color beige in five instances around the room – it could be a coat, a chair, the wall, a book – just five instances. To really get the most impact from this sharing, do that for yourself right now. Look around and find five instances of the color beige (or tan). Got it? Okay, now: what is your favorite color? It’s probably not beige. Our volunteer’s favorite color was purple. Then Bannink asked her if while she was searching for the color beige if she noticed any instances at all of the color purple. She admitted she had not, just as you are probably doing with your own color right now. The analogy was clear and obvious immediately. If one is looking to be happy (purple), they should not be focusing on what they do not want, namely depression or negativity (beige). This was quite powerful in the moment and I can’t wait to use it. It’s right up there with my folding-the-arms exercise. ‘Loved this workshop and I look forward to using Bannink’s techniques both in Happiness 101 and with clients.

During my lunch hour I greatly anticipated the next class. I savored the excitement. ‘Good thing I read deep into the description of the class on Positive Computing because not only was Martin Seligman going to be present as a discussant, but Jane McGonigal was going to be there! Jane has taken positive psychology in a very unusual and creative direction. She makes online video games that are experienced for a limited period and in real time. She sees “gamers” (people who play a lot of video games) as an untapped resource. In her book, “Reality is Broken” Jane acknowledges that gamers have many talents including creative problem solving, an innate desire to do something big with their skills and tenacity – did you know that gamers fail 80% of the time? Yet, they persist! Think about that. If you failed at 80% of your endeavors in real life, you would probably quit! But gamers have an enviable tenaciousness streak – something that could come in very handy in solving some of the world’s real problems. Jane has launched games in the past, giving gamers an opportunity to apply their skills to problems such as food shortage and soaring oil prices.

Jane exceeded my every expectation but first I learned some amazing things from the first two presenters of the Positive Computing workshop. Rosiland Picard, founder of the Affective Computing Research Group at MIT showed a program they are developing that can (willingly) monitor your texts and give you feedback if you have texted negative thoughts, such as “over generalization” and not only that can give you feedback as to how many people would agree with your negative statement. They have also developed a device that is worn around your wrist and measures your levels of stress throughout the day. Jane wore hers before going to the amusement park with her family. One ride there scared her quite badly, so you would assume that that would have been when her stress spiked the highest. But you would be wrong. More stressful than the scariest ride at amusement park was the race to get ready and her family out the door. Wow.

The other presenter was Tomas Sander. He mentioned the Live Happy iPhone application inspired by my happiness hero, Sonja Lyubomirsky. He also pointed out that there are many applications already available for computer and smart phone users to remind them to utilize a signature strength or engage in a moment of savoring or meditation. He suggested we listen to music via Pandora radio where we can pick and choose the music we expose ourselves to. He also reminded that computers and smart phones are so highly customizable that we can have our wallpaper, ringtones, start-up/shut-down sounds and passwords all remind us of things that will raise our level of happiness.

The Happy Therapist and Super Better Hero Jane McGonigal

Now, Jane blew me away because almost everything she said was new to me. She told about bumping her head and suffering from a mild traumatic brain injury which left her unable to read, write or speak intelligently for approximately a month. Her doctors told her that worrying and getting upset about her condition actually thwarted recovery. They suggested she remain as happy as possible to get over her illness as quickly as possible. No small task for someone struggling with basic functioning! So, Jane turned it into a game, called Superbetter! She saw herself as the protagonist and her symptoms as the evil antagonists she must overcome and beat. She developed challenges for herself and put together a team to help her meet her goals. After she fully recovered, she made the game available to the public and FREE. She said people have used it to not only get over traumatic brain injuries but all kinds of physical AND mental challenges – INCLUDING depression! As you might imagine, it didn’t take longer than 2 seconds for me to figure out that this would be a GREAT tool for Happiness 101!

I waited for her after the lecture like a stalker. I waited and waited (her line was the longest). I waited so long, they kicked us out to make room for the next presentation. But I stuck to her like glue as she finished up her conversation with the person in front of me (I was last in line). The upside of that was that we were not rushed. I told her I’d learned of her from Seligman’s book (Flourish) and how I went to that segment specifically to hear her talk. She was REALLY nice, fun and personable. I told her about my idea for Happiness 101 taking advantage of playing her game as part of the upcoming webinar to reduce suicide in Utah. She got really excited about the project and said she could set up a special password so students could cross support one another. This is huge! Taking Happiness 101 via webinar is great but one of my main concerns about the webinar was the lack of social support. Using Superbetter, sub-communities in the rural areas could form and support one another. Whoo hoo! I want to publicly say thanks to Jane for her willingness to help. She really IS a super hero!

Okay, I have two more workshops to tell you about plus the gala (I was left behind in the rain) but that will have to wait. It is 12:30pm here in Philadelphia and I need to be outta here at 7:30pm but I promise to write more tomorrow.

Frank Clayton, the Happy Therapist

Day two of the 2nd Congress of the International Positive Psychology Association was simply amazing.  I learned SO much!  At one point I laughed to my friend “Teacher!  My brain is full!”  Here’s a report of the day’s events:

It began with Ed Deci speaking about self-determination and its relationship to positive psychology – in other words: the self-fulfilling prophecy.  He showed scientific proof that believing that you are doomed and things will never get better can actually bring that about.  Using a simple analogy (of my own), if one is drowning and they really don’t think anyone will come to rescue them, they can behave based on this belief by not paddling and dying before help could arrive.  But Deci really wowed the crowd when he reported that studies repeatedly proved that external rewards kill off intrinsic motivation.  For instance, when we try to control our children either by giving them a reward for doing well (the carrot) or punishing them when they do not do well (the stick), we inadvertently are hindering our child’s innate love of learning!  You can bet I will be blogging more about this.

During the short break, I went down to the lobby to hear my name, “Frank!”  There was Lynn Johnson, sitting in a booth, typing on his computer.  He was so excited about the morning session he couldn’t wait to work on his new book.  It was wonderful to see him so passionate about positive psychology that he positively (punned intended) glowed with excitement.  When I left, he was still smiling broadly.  (P.S.: I just got an E-mail from Lynn with a link to his blog. Click here to see Lynn’s account of the IPPA conference).

Todd Kashdan

During the first break-out session of the day, I attended Acadia Park’s “Positive Interventions: New Frontiers”.  This turned out to be a 45 minute session divided up to three other presenters while Ms. Park’s faciliated and introduced the three speakers.  The first spoke about groups of people with people suffering from schizophrenia.  Remarkably, in spite of never discussing symtomology, participants showed a notable improvement.   The second speaker talked about the efficacy of positive psychology when used in a smoking cessation program.  They focused on capitalizing on strengths and building resiliency.  Adding positive psychology to the usual smoking cessation program showed marked improvement in reducing relapse.  Finally, Todd Kashdan got up to speak.  I have seen his name many times, but never had a good sense of his angle.  Boy, did I find out!  I quickly came to dub Todd Kashdan as the “Gadfly of Positive Psychology”.  I did not realize how much we needed one!   A free and critical thinker, Kashdan jostled us to attention by challenging us (we practicing in the field of positive psychology) to not wait for scientific research to take bold steps forward to further the cause; to not wait for a greenlight from guys in lab coats.   I am a pretty smart guy, but Kashdan is brilliant.  He was soon talking over my head and I loved it.  He spoke of discerning whether clients are prone toward reducing anxiety or alleviating boredom through adventure and tailoring their positive psychology program accordingly.  He pointed out that despite the wonderful interventions practiced in positive psychology, that people are not products of cookie cutters; that each person is a complicated cluster of characteristics living in unique situations all; that one size did not fit all and shame on us if we had treated people as such and then congratulated ourselves for doing so.  Kashdan said things that really needed to be said but no one else wanted to say.   This is what I needed – not to hear more of what I already knew but to be challenged to think outside the box.  In short, I was not a fan of Todd Kashdan when I walked into Franklin Hall at the Downtown Marriott this morning, but I was when I walked out.  Kashdan is supposed to speak again tomorrow.  I’ll be there – IF I can find a seat.

Barbara Fredrickson

On the way down to the Barbara Fredrickson lunch, I made a fast friend in Meredith Pollock, a professor teaching positive psychology via the internet.  I wish I had taken a picture.  Her smile was broad and her laugh flowed freely.  As we waded through the line for our boxed lunch we spoke in such an animated and excited fashion that others in line we swept up, nodding excitedly and adding the occasional comment.  Meredith and I sat beside one another at the luncheon.  I was star struck like many might be were they to see Brad Pitt and/or Angelina Jolie.  Between bites of chicken wrap, Meredith told how she loved her interactions with students and hearing of their transformation over the weeks of the class. She shared a little about her format and successes.  I shared about how much fun I had teaching Happiness 101 and how I will hold my first webinar in October and how the online class is geared toward rural Utah – since that’s where the suicide rate is the worst.  It was great to have someone with whom I could share my enthusiasm for seeing Barbara Fredrickson for the first time.  And suddenly she was there.

Frank and Barbara Fredrickson

Barbara Fredrickson was deeply and intensely studying positive psychology at least a decade before anyone had ever uttered words “positive psychology”.  One attendee asked her to explain her broaden and build theory for which she had won the most prestigious awards available in the field.  She spoke of how feeling happy is not merely the stuff of fluff but an important component that has allowed humans to survive.  When we are happy, we are more likely to help one another and see solution rather than problem.  Imagine the lack of motivation for us as a race if we had no hope of feeling happy.  Positivity builds important relationships, which allowed human beings to work together for the greater good.  I was the last to ask a question asking Dr. Fredrickson to share with us the things she is personally excited about in the field of positive psychology.  Her answer was so amazing the crowd audibly gasped and one person afterward shook my hand and thanked me just for asking the question.  Dr. Fredrickson said she is most excited about the research in her own lab in which they are showing promise of demonstrating that not only can people change using the techniques of positive psychology, they can do so at the molecular level!  Imagine the hope that would be generated throughout the world of people striving to be happier if science could prove that we can change our very DNA to be more positive.  This is akin to the studies of Richard Davidson discovering that Tibetan monks had rewired their brain to be happier to such an extent that they had trained the startle response out of themselves!  With studies like this, we will know that even if our genetics predispose us to lean toward depression, that we can beat it!  Barbara Fredrickson was gracious, authentic and a true inspiration.

Independence Hall

It was time to go.  I took advantage of the light to walk to my hotel.  I savored the moment.  The heat wave had passed and the stroll was quite pleasant.  I marvelled at Independence  Hall, a building I am sure is older than Utah itself.  I snacked on dried cherries, watched the skateboarders top one another and enjoyed the music of a random flute player.  Phliadelphia has a rich culture and I enjoyed seeing skin color of every shade and counted at least five different languages as I strode down Market Street and Chestnut.  A friend called me out of the blue, honoring me with one of those “just wanted to say hi” calls.  I love those.  I found a Subway sandwich shop, where I bought two foot-long turkey sandwiches.  That’ll keep my fridge stocked.

When it comes to suicide, Utah currently ranks #9.  In an effort to save lives and lower the rate of suicide in Utah, Happiness 101 will offer a webinar to reach out to the rural areas of the state where suicide is the most prevalent.  The online class will be completely free.   There will be no prescreening.  Classes will be held on Wednesdays from 7-9pm from October 5th to November 9th.

This webinar will be absolutely FREE.  The only cost will be to buy the text book: The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky.

Happiness 101 is an uplifting class where you will learn HOW to be happy, build a support system, and learn to break unhappy habits. Most people believe the myths of Happiness and therefore spend a great deal of energy chasing it, only to end up disappointed. Scientific research has now revealed the things that actually bring us Happiness. Even better: you can start being Happier NOW.

Happiness 101 was offered elsewhere at a cost of $115. You have the opportunity to take the class at no charge from the comfort of your own home.

To keep it simple and the cost down, I will be communicating primarily through Facebook.  Please click here to join the group created specifically for this event then watch your inbox for updates as October 5th draws near.  If you do not have a Facebook account because you don’t want people to know who you are, feel free to create a temporary fake profile on Facebook.  We just want you there so you can learn how to be happier and hopefully reduce the incidents of suicide in Utah.

PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE WORD  to happy people, depressed people, young people (the age of onset of depression is now just 15 years old), elderly people, local people but ESPECIALLY people living in rural Utah.  PLEASE, right now think of anyone you know that lives in rural Utah and send them an invitation to this event.  We can save lives and you can help right now by helping to spread the word.

Science has proven that when one person becomes happier, it spreads like a virus.  Imagine if we could “infect” 1,000+ people with the H-A-P-P-Y virus in rural Utah via this webinar.  It would spread across the state and help save lives.