2010 May » Salt Lake Mental Health

How to Choose a Therapist

May 272010

I am frequently surprised that new clients do not ask more questions before setting an appointment. Going to a therapist is a big deal, whether it is your first time or you’ve spent many an hour on “the couch”. You will be spending your money, your time and most importantly, your hope on a therapist. A bad fit will likely leave you feeling that you have wasted all three of these precious commodities. Therapy is a very personal thing yet most people ask few questions.

Here are a few suggestions on how to choose a therapist:
Be clear about what you hope to get out of the therapeutic process.
Look for someone that specializes in the kind of therapy you seek. Note: If you are looking for counselor for depression or anxiety, be aware that virtually all mental health therapists are able to address these issues.
If a provider search has indicated that a therapist is an expert or specialist in a certain area, you might ask them “What makes you an expert in this area?”
Some issues that require special or additional training are: eating disorders, traumatic brain injuries and children.
Imagine exactly what you would want in a therapist. Do you want someone to be a sounding board, or are you looking for someone to tell you what they think you should do?
Would you like your therapist to be kind and quiet or direct and confrontive?
Male or female?
Older or younger?
Little, moderate or extensive experience? (There are pros and cons to all of them).
Do you want a Master’s level clinician or a psychologist (see Doctors vs. Therapists)
Of course, location does matter. Usually your insurance carrier will have a provider search, complete with a map on their website.

How to locate potential therapists:
If you have insurance, start with a provider search through them. Once you have identified a potential therapist ALWAYS call your insurance company and verify that your particular plan will pay for that particular therapist. (I will spare you the nightmare stories, but trust me on this one).
If you are employed, you may be entitled to free therapy through your company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Call your Human Resources Department to find out.
If you do have both an EAP and insurance, be sure to find a therapist that is both on the EAP and the insurance.
If you do not have insurance, there are some provider searches available through the internet:
Psychology Today
Network Therapy.com
Good Therapy.org

Word of mouth. Nothing beats a positive review from someone you trust. If you are given the name of a good therapist and they are not on your insurance, be sure to check your out-of-network benefits with your insurance company. You may be able to still see them but the insurance will not cover quite as much.
Finally, check them out. The Department of Professional Licensing (DOPL) enables you to search the name of your potential counselor for any disciplinary action that has been taken against them (click here). If there has, you may search the records on DOPL to find out the exact nature of the disciplinary action.

Once you have your potential therapist on the phone, ASK QUESTIONS. Have your questions ready before you call.

Feel free to ask them:
How long have you been a counselor?
How long have you been in private practice (it will probably be a different answer).
What are your religious beliefs?
What therapy do you specialize in or what is your favorite?
How much training have you had in treating my particular issue?
If you are physically disabled, verify on the phone that there is handicap access.

My personal belief is that one should find a therapist sooner than later (see Why You Should Get a Therapist Now). Even if you employed all of my suggestions, you may not “click” with your therapist. I encourage you to give it at least a few sessions but if it is not working for you, move on. This is definitely different than giving up. If it was important enough for you to pick up the phone and seek help, then please do not catagorically dismiss therapy by one bad experience. Finding a good therapist is a worthwhile endeavor and can help you live a happier and more productive life.

Frank G. Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

Why You Should Get a Therapist Now

Mental Health No Responses »

May 232010

Okay, so maybe I am a bit bias. Maybe even a little more than a little bit bias, but I think you will agree with me by the end of this article: You should get a therapist now, rather than later. Therapy helps people to lead happier more productive lives. I think people wait WAY too long to go to therapy – especially couples. Think of therapy as preventative, rather than something to do once you are on fire. My suggestion would be that you think of going to a mental health therapist the way you think of going to the medical doctor – you go occasionally just to check in an ensure that everything is alright. Another good reason to get a therapist sooner than later is because if there comes a time when you REALLY need to talk to a therapist right away, then you have a therapist in place – someone with whom you are comfortable. Imagine how frustrating it would be to really need therapy and go to someone who is not a good fit for you or (as I have known many to do) spend weeks going through insurance to make sure your therapist is actually in your network. There is even more reason to seek a psychiatrist sooner than later. Right now in Salt Lake City, the wait to see a psychiatrist is THREE MONTHS. If you have even a suspicion that you might need someone to prescribe psychotropic medications, make an appointment now (for more info about psychiatrists, see Doctors vs Therapists) Back to therapy: if you have a job, your employer probably has and Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that allows for three to five FREE sessions of therapy per year. Contact your human resources department and tell them you want the phone number of your EAP. They do not need to know why you are calling. In fact, EAP usually also provides legal and financial counseling as well, so it remains confidential. These EAP companies report nothing to your employer. Of course a regular dose of Happiness 101 couldn’t hurt. There is no charge for the class – it is a gift I give every Monday at 7pm. Click here for the upcoming class schedule.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

Happiness in a Well-Made Mistake

Happiness, Mental Health No Responses »

May 192010

One of my favorite musicians is Fiona Apple. On her release (When The Pawn…) she had a song called “Mistake”. A little bite of the Apple goes “I’ve acquired quite a taste for a well-made mistake”. At the time, the concept of enjoying or appreciating a mistake was foreign to me. We get so hung up on making a “mistake”, when there may be many benefits to blowing it. I got all the way to my office today before realizing I left my computer’s power cord at home. My computer flat lines inside of three minutes without some direct current, so I decided to return home to retrieve it. Before I could start to grouse, I decided to challenge myself to find all of the positives in the unscheduled round-trip.
1) ‘Got to drive on a beautiful day rather than doing paper work at my office.
2) I got to speak to a friend on the drive and arranged to have lunch. (Yes, I used my ear bud – safety first)
3) I appreciated that I even own a computer to forget the cord to.
4) I was sincerely thankful for leaving early for my office on the first trip, which afforded me the luxury of time to return home to retrieve the cord at all
5) I am thankful to have a car – imagine what a nightmare it would have been if I had to take the bus?
6) It afforded me the opportunity to mail a bill right away

Think of some mistakes you have made. ‘Maybe even mistakes that have regret attached to them. What were the positives that came from your “mistake”? Was it even a mistake? Are you sure? We can be quick to identify something as “bad” or a “mistake” but sometimes, with the passage of a little time and/or perspective, we might see it differently. This short story illustrates the point well:

“We’ll See” (story obtained from Thoughts2Think):
There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.
“Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.
“We’ll see,” the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.
“How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.
“We’ll see,” replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
“We’ll see,” answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
“We’ll see” said the farmer.

I leave you with list of items that were invited by “mistake” (courtesy of Think Quest)

Chocolate Chip Cookies
Velcro
Ice-cream cones
Silly-putty
Frisbee
Potato Chips
Slinky
Post-It Notes

Frank Clayton
Licesned Profeesional Counselor

Diary of a Happy Therapist: I am Happier – AND Subjectively Prettier

Happiness No Responses »

May 152010

In April of 2009 I picked up a book that changed my life: The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky. I took the tests to measure my level of Happiness. The lowest score possible is a one, which would be depressed. The highest score is a six. The average score is 4.30 My score was 4.20 I just took the test again and I am Happy to report that I have am indeed Happier. I scored a 5.03 You may remember that I recently reported that I tested positive as a pessimist (see article: I Was Wrong and I am Hopeless). You can test your optimism by going to Martin Seligman’s website. My HOPE (according to the test I was hopeLESS) is that as I cultivate my optimism, my Happiness will will increase even more. Dr. Lyubomirsky gives specific techniques on how to do so in her book. I wonder: if I tested at a perfect six – would that mean I literally could not be happier? Some of the questions were interesting. One of them was about how attractive I think I am. I had made a point of not looking at my previous answers when I retook the test. Evidently I think I’m prettier because on that question my number went up. I thought this was incredibly ironic since many people think if they make themselves more beautiful will make them happier. Evidently when one becomes happier, they think of themselves as more beautiful. ‘Wait ’til the beauty magazines find out about this.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

Be As Kind To Yourself As You Would a Stranger

Happiness, Mental Health 2 Responses »

May 102010

Many people give themselves permission to be mean to themselves.

Suppose you were walking along in a park and you heard one person saying things like:
“Who do you think you are?”
“Nobody likes you.”
“Go ahead and try it! You’re going to fall flat on your face.”
“You’re fat.”
“You suck!”

Toxic stuff, huh? You would probably be appalled if you heard another person say these things out loud to another person. You might even say something, “Hey! Leave him alone!” Most likely the hateful words would leave an impression on you – one that might last throughout the day. You might ask yourself, “How could someone be so cruel?”

If you are like most people you think things like this to yourself often. Why? Well, there are several reasons which I will discuss at length in the Happiness 101 class on June 7th called Befriending Your Inner Critic. Not only will you learn to identify your inner critic but instead of shutting it off, you can actually make it your ally! For now, I ask you to just be aware of this voice that says these awful things to you. What does it sound like? When is it most likely to spew its negativity? Though it sounds like the voice of authority, it is not in charge. YOU are. On June 7th, I will help you regain control over this important part of your life.

In the meantime, use the formula we use in Happiness 101:
Be mindful – be aware of the voice of the inner critic
Explore your options. What choices take you further away from happiness and which bring you closer? You can let the inner critic spew on or you can DO something about it.
Make your choice.
Implement your choice.

My hope is that you would put a stop to the internal abuse. One suggest is you can think or say “Stop!” – the same thing you might do in the scenario above.

Please. Be kind to yourself – at LEAST as kind as you would be to a stranger.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

The Key to Self-Esteem

Happiness, Mental Health 1 Response »

May 042010

In therapy, we talk a lot about positive affirmations. It is often use as a tool to replace negative beliefs. For instance, if, deep down, one believes “I’m a loser” then we would find an positive affirmation to off-set this core belief. Notice that this negative belief is very precise and definitive – there is no ambiguity. This means that the offsetting positive affirmation must be at least as powerful. “I am awesome” is much more powerful than “I could be awesome”. The latter insinuates that there is the POTENTIAL to be awesome, but awesomeness has not yet been achieved. This is a subtle but important distinction. There seems to be no wishy-washyness at all in our negative statements. Think to the last time you made a big mistake. What was your ANT (automatic negative thought)? I bet you were tough on yourself. But a funny thing about people: we seem to very ambiguous when it comes to positive statements about ourselves. Now, when choosing a positive affirmation, I always think of buying clothes for a child. Do you buy the kid the size they currently wear? No! Of course not. You buy the clothes that are a little too big so they can grow into them.
Using the previous example, if you currently have the belief “I’m a loser”, then saying the positive affirmation “I am awesome” may feel like an outright lie and thereby negates its usefulness. “I’m ok” might feel like a better fit. I am providing you with a suggested continuum that might help you decide which positive affirmation might be right for you. Again, this continuum is only a suggestion. You might use other words or even have the words in a different order. Don’t get too hung up on this. Just pick a positive affirmation that feels like a bit of a stretch for you. Repeat the affirmation many times throughout the day. The more you say it, the more comfortable you will get in saying it. Once it feels true, feel free to pick a NEW positive affirmation. We’ll have you up to AWESOME in no time.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor and teacher of Happiness 101

Affirmation Continuum

How to Choose a Therapist

Why You Should Get a Therapist Now

Happiness in a Well-Made Mistake

Diary of a Happy Therapist: I am Happier – AND Subjectively Prettier

Be As Kind To Yourself As You Would a Stranger

The Key to Self-Esteem

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