2010 February » Salt Lake Mental Health

Forgiveness Group starts Wed. March 10th, 7pm

Feb 282010

On the issue of forgiveness, the founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman said “Frequent and intense negative thoughts about the past are the raw material that blocks the emotions of contentment and satisfaction, and these thoughts make serenity and peace impossible.”
In her book, The How of Happiness Sonja Lybuomirsky lists forgiveness as one of the 12 Happiness Habits, but admits it is the most difficult one to do.
There is a great deal of misunderstanding about forgiveness. It is not to condone the offender. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself, taking back your own power, severing the control the transgressor has over you and your happiness. Understanding forgiveness is only part of the battle. We are not readily taught HOW to forgive. This Forgiveness Group will give participants an opportunity to learn more about forgiveness but more importantly HOW to do it.
Those wishing to attend the Forgiveness Group will need to consult with myself to ensure appropriateness and a good fit for the purpose of the group. This consultation will take 10-15 minutes and is offered free of charge. Cost of the group will be $25 for 1.5 hours of group time. This will be a closed group. This means that once it has begun, new people wishing to join will have to wait until the next group begins (apx six months). This group will meet twice a month, on the second and fourth Wednesday of each month at 7pm. Location: 220 East 3900 South #7, Salt Lake City. To arrange a consultation or if you have any questions, E-mail me at frank@saltlakementalhealth.com or call 877-476-6338 for recorded information.

Unresolved Grief Group

Mental Health 5 Responses »

Feb 272010

Grief is tough. Two of the toughest parts of grief is feeling alone and not knowing how to grieve. In our fast-paced world, we are given very little time to work through our grief. This can leave us feeling like we “should be over it by now”. There are a lot of right ways to grieve. The only real way to do it “wrong” is to attempt to avoid it. Ironically and sadly, this prolongs the process. I have worked with many people recently who are struggling with unresolved grief. Specifically grief over the death of a loved one that occurred over a year ago and they are having difficulty getting past it. This unresolved grief obviously thwarts efforts to be happy.
To alleviate feelings of isolated, lonely grief and to help educate mourners on the process of grief, I offer the Unresolved Grief Group. Most of the work done in regards to grief occurs outside of the therapeutic arena. Therefore, this group will be offered once a month, to give mourners an opportunity to do the work needed between groups.
This will be a closed group. This means that once the group has begun, newcomers will not be allowed into the group. Those who attend are making a commitment to show up each month for 12 months. Group members must be screened by me to determine whether the person is appropriate and a good fit for the group. Such a consultation will be 10-15 minutes in length and that consultation will be free of charge. The cost of the group will be $25 for each group which is expected to last approximately one and half hours. The group will be held at my office (220 East 3900 South #7) on the first Wednesday of each month. To set up a consultation or if you have any questions, please E-mail me at frank@saltlakementalhealth.com or call 877-476-6338 for recorded information

Sleep Your Way To Happiness

Happiness, Mental Health 1 Response »

Feb 262010

Sleep deprivation can definitely impede on your Happiness. In his book The Promise of Sleep (Dell, 2000), professor William Dement of Stanford University School of Medicine states that if American’s got just one more hour of sleep each night our “sleep sick” society would be much healthier and happier (Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness).
If you have difficulty sleeping, I prescribe some of the techniques we use in Happiness 101:
* Be mindful -of what you are doing or not doing that may be contributing to poor sleep
* Recognize what you have control over and what you do not. For example, staying up to watch Dave or Jay are within your control. What time the sun rises is not in your control.
* Make a plan. For instance, “I will turn off the T.V. at 10pm”.
* Implement the plan. “Do, or do not” and take full responsibility for that decision.

To help you recognize some of the little things you may unwittingly be doing to undermine your ZZZ’s, I direct you to sleep hygiene. There is much out there written on the subject. You have but to look. Please take care of yourself. Sleep and feel happier.
~Frank Clayton, LPC

I Apologize

General, Happiness 12 Responses »

Feb 242010

You won't believe what this picture is made of. Read on.

In Happiness 101, we have four rules:

No Blame

No Shame

No Guilt

No Complaining

We call these rascals “Happiness Robbers” a term coined by Marci Shimoff. In short, blame, shame, guilt and complaining emerge when we are in victimhood and not taking full responsibility for our Happiness. As with any good rule, we also have consequences for breaking the rule. The three consequences are: 1) sing a happy song for one minute, 2) pay $2 to charity and 3) give 10 positives. Having these consequences does two things – it raises student’s level of awareness of what they are saying and the positive energy of the consequence offsets the negative energy brought into the class.

Well, it seems that I broke my own rule. I complained.

On February 20th, I posted an article called “No News is Good News” in which I complained. I will not make matters worse by reiterating it here. I also will make no excuses. I will, however, pay up for breaking (what has become) one of the rules of my life. So, here are my 10 positives:

1) I am thankful to the banana peel. This natural protective layer helps to keep the banana fresh and ready to eat. Banana peels have also raised the level of “happy chemicals” in millions of people by way of slapstick comedy.

2) I appreciate aluminum. This amazing light-weight metal has been used in everything from building materials to the container from which I drink. It is also recyclable!

3) This shirt I am wearing. Does a great job of keeping me warm and from scaring people away. It is a navy blue polo with a kangeroo over (what would be) the left breast pocket. It reminds me of a wonderful trip to Coff’s Harbor Australia and of the great time at the Sydney Aquarium. This shirt has also been a great conversation starter, which has helped me to better connect with others.

4) That my eyes are getting better! My last optometrist had the foresight (sorry, couldn’t resist) to NOT give my eyes as much power as they craved in my last pair of glasses. This made my eyes work harder and at my last check-up, the doc (a different optometrist) said I needed a new prescription because my eyes got better.

5) Spell-check. Microsoft Word’s spell-check helped me to figure out how to spell optometrist. I’m sure Spell-check has saved me on countless papers, E-mails and resumes over the years. Thank you, Microsoft!

6) My grey scarf. ’Never was much of a scarf man – until this year! In years past I complained a LOT during winter because of the cold. Ironically, I had plenty of warm clothing to wear but did not wear it. Teaching Happiness 101 has helped me to take true responsibility for my Happiness and so I have been dressing warmer – including my grey scarf. It is long enough and short enough. It is warm and doesn’t scratch. It probably saved me from a cold this year – I haven’t had one.

7) My wife’s blue eyes. I appreciate my wife VERY much, but I always choose to appreciate something different each time I count the positives. She, of course, was the very first blessing I counted on my very first list. Her eyes are beautiful and sometimes sparkle with mischief. I appreciate the love they have mirrored back to me for over 22 years.

8 ) Raisins. The raisins in my drawer really saved me tonight. I forgot to bring something to eat. I’m glad someone took the chance to eat a dried up wrinkled grape. Where would Raisinettes be without them? The same place my stomach would be right now: empty.

9) You Tube. I really love logging into You Tube after a long day and stumbling on all kinds of amazing, interesting and funny videos. Olga Kay is my guilty pleasure. She makes me smile and laugh – BOTH which are good for my Happiness.

Click to see the art and the artist

10) Lint. Hmmmmmmmmm okay. I’ll admit, I’m stretching on this one. But that’s good! It helps to stretch my positive muscles to think of how I could be grateful for lint. Well, if we had no clothes, we would have no lint – so I can be VERY grateful to have clothes that made the lint. But appreciating the lint on its own merits….. (stretching) I know! If there was no lint, then there would not have been a need to invent a lint trap. So inventing the lint trap put food on the lint trap inventor’s table. I think his name was J. Ross Moore (yes, I tried to look it up). Oh, one more reason to be grateful for lint: would you believe lint art?!?! I just discovered this just now. Wow! Go Heidi Hooper!! Her art has been featured in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Wow!

I must say, writing those 10 positives and spending the time to write about and really appreciate these 10 things really lifted my spirits. Give it a try and please share your answers.

~Frank Clayton, LPC

Addendum:
Bonus!
11) Learning about Heidi Hooper and her amazing story of how she came to make her art out of lint. Click here to see the You Tube video of Heidi Hooper and how she turned her pain and her lint into art! Thank you again You Tube.

Unplug and Reconnect

Uncategorized 3 Responses »

Feb 232010

Social connectedness is one of THE biggest predictors of Happiness. Just to be clear, the connection I am speaking of, does not involve wires. It seems more and more common to see people sitting at a table, staring intently NOT into one another’s eyes but to their phone. There is great irony in having such a passion for communicating with one another electronically while ignoring the person we are with. It seems that the more we plug into cyber space, the more we unplug from one another. Not only is intimacy lost, but miscommunications are rampant. For instance, sarcasm does not translate well in typed form and often the message intended is not the message received. Only a fraction of our communication is the exact words used. Most of it comes from the tone, volume, and cadence of what is being said not to mention non-verbal communication. In my practice, I hear more and more couples arguing about issues that started in text, E-mail or something written on Facebook. Arguments that may have never started if they were just communicating with one another. Again, social connections are SO important to our Happiness and communication is a key element of our connection with others. I ask you to consider these points and make a conscious decision of how you want to handle this 21st century problem. My vote would be to PUT THE PHONE DOWN, look into the face of your friend or loved one sitting across from you and talk to them. That person and your connection to them is one of the ways you can live a happier life.

No News is Good News

Happiness, Mental Health, Uncategorized 2 Responses »

Feb 202010

The news came on right after the opening ceremony of the Olympics and the first thing they reported were the two FLAWS in the performance. Wow. The news is negative enough but here was an opportunity to focus on the positive but the “news worthy” part were the mistakes. Not only that, they broke away from telling us more about the Olympic mistakes to tell of a local death. So, they actually are teasing the audience into watching longer so we can hear all about the blunder. Have you noticed the teases? A couple of days ago the weather man said a big storm was on the way, but he made a point of teasing us “Will it effect your morning commute” or will it be in the afternoon? He won’t tell us now, he’s going to tease us through the commercials. Often we are getting teased with bad news. Why do we take the bait? I could go off on a whole rip about that but for now I will ask you to think about YOUR reason.
Not surprisingly, studies have shown that watching the news contributes to depression. One researcher, sociologist John P. Robinson, who was involved in a Massachusetts 30 year study on the topic of television and its effect on our affect said, “TV doesn’t really seem to satisfy people over the long haul the way that social involvement or reading a newspaper does. It’s more passive and may provide escape – especially when the news is as depressing as the economy itself. The data suggest to us that the TV habit may offer short-run pleasure at the expense of long-term malaise.” So, no big shock there but I try hard to always back up my rants with scientific data – something BEYOND my own opinion.
The last reason I don’t watch the news is because there is nothing I can DO about most of the news I hear about. Someone was killed – “That’s terrible.” A Holladay convenience store was robbed – “How awful.” Okay, yes, now I know about it, but what am I supposed to DO about it? I wish they had news that just talked about the things I can do something about. Occasionally there is a morsel of something *I* can do about, such as an Amber Alert or giving to Haiti but what is interesting is that I usually hear about these opportunities through the grape vine. You might say “Well, what if everyone did that? No one would be informed.” True. I’m not in charge of everyone’s happiness, however – just my own.
One alternative I have found to televised news is reading headlines on news websites. This way I can pick and choose my news and don’t have to get teased through commercials. Not surprisingly, I do gravitate to HappyNews.com and would recommend it to anyone that would like to focus on what’s RIGHT with the world.
~Frank Clayton, LPC

Am I Becoming a Happiness Snob?

Happiness 4 Responses »

Feb 192010

Last night I was scouring the internet to find good websites to set up as links on my website (www.saltlakementalhealth.com). I was VERY picky! Maybe even TOO picky. But there is SO much information out there about Happiness that is not based on empirical evidence or scientific study. Much of it is happy people who believe that because they are happy that they know the secrets to happiness and so they launched a website and wrote a book and they urge us to do what they did to find true happiness. There are also some sites focusing on happiness, but it seems that there chief goal is to get you to buy their product. Now, don’t get me wrong. I strongly encourage anyone and everyone to go out and spread happiness. I was just very choosey about the links I put on my site. My hope is to give you nothing but the best that you may not only live happier but do it by using what really works. Here are my picks:
Authentic Happiness is an amazing site – chock full of goodies including self-assessments by Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology.
Get Happy.net was put together by Michael Fordyce one of the first to start the formal study of happiness.
Happier – An extremely good site with lots of resources
Happy News - A steady stream of good news. How refreshing.
The Happiness Project – Gretchen Rubin gives her first hand account of her year long journey on the path of happiness
The How of Happiness – Instead of picking the actual site (www.thehowofhappiness.com), I chose Sonja Lyubomirsky’s faculty site because not only does it give you a link to more about the book (which is my #1 pick) but this site offers links to papers, talks and a peek into the cutting edge of happiness research.

So, have I become a Happiness Snob? Perhaps. But I would rather be too picky than give you anything but the best.
Frank Clayton, LPC

Diary of a Happy Therapist: 8 Minute Meditation-Week One

Links, Mental Health 3 Responses »

Feb 172010

Click to check it out

Peppered liberally throughout my studies of Happiness has been strong suggestions to Meditate.
I hate to admit this, but I probably have just a bad a case of “monkey mind” as most everybody else. ‘Probably because I don’t meditate (like most everybody else). However, I have a deep commitment to walk the path of Happiness and so I am giving it a try. I went to Barnes and Noble (I like the one on 21st and 11th East) and picked up two books: Meditation for Dummies and the 8 Minute Meditation book by Victor Davich. I flipped through both and because through my flipping Davich kept promising “simple”, “easy” and “straight-forward” information about meditation and that I would be up and meditating in no time. So, I went with that. I DO like Davich’s style. Very little fat. Straight-forward. He states that meditation IS doing something – where I always thought it was the absence of doing something. I’m up to page 23 and have tried a couple of his mini meditations. He suggested focusing on where you feel your breath the most. This was a wonderful little exercise as, in my mind, I gave attention to the various parts of my body that allow me to breathe. I noticed a tightness in my throat, about two inches below my Adam’s apple. I found that with some attention, I could relax those muscles (whatever they’re called) a little. I also noticed tension in my shoulders and with a little attention was able to let some of that go as well. I ended today’s reading with a great slice of statistical data – Davich’s reference to a study out of the University of Wisconsin that has proven that a regular regimine of meditation can “encourage the brain to physically rewire itself to be Happier (Time 8/4/03; The New York Times Magazine, 9/14/03). Now they’re playing my song!
~Frank Clayton, LPC and meditation newbie

Kill Joy

Links, Mental Health No Responses »

Feb 142010

In the last couple of articles I have been talking about fun (Fun and its Role in Happiness), challenging you to write a list of things you find to be fun and to differentiate whether they are a pleasure or something you find gratifying as differentiated by Martin Selgiman (Are We Having Fun Yet?). But in my personal experiences I propose that there is a third category of what people refer to as fun – that is things that are not fun at all, but simply numbing out or killing time. The intended purpose of this short series of articles is to invite you to examine what have you labled as “fun” or an activity that you “like”. Do you actively enjoy that activity? Does it make you laugh or warm your heart? Does it bring you some sort of pleasure or a sense of pride for reaching your goal or accomplishing a task? OR is what you’ve been calling “fun” simply killing time or numbing out? There are a couple of games I like to play on the computer. Or do I? As I have done my own introspection, I have discovered that Bejeweled Blitz is not “fun” per se. It is just a way I am killing time and/or zoning out. It is “down time”. What I find frustrating is that time slips by and the next thing I know an hour of my time has gone by and I did not really enjoy it or feel gratified by it. In fact, I found that my predominant feelings while playing the game are anxious and frustrated. So, why do I play it? Not because it is “fun” but because I am seeking downtime. Downtime is very important as part of Happiness. Unfortunately, because I have numbed out, I have not do not feel refreshed as I would if I had done something that was truly taking downtime. Instead, I have only succeeded in wasting an hour of my day.
Alcohol or drugs is something else to look at. Rather than going off on a rip about it, I challenge you to decide for yourself. Is it a pleasure, a gratification or are you just numbing out or killing time?
WAKE UP!
Have fun.
~Frank Clayton, LPC

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Links 1 Response »

Feb 132010

Martin Seligman

In my last article “Fun and its Role in Happiness“, I challenged you to make a list of things that you consider fun.. If you have not read it, I ask that you do so before reading this post.
Let’s take a closer look at that list and divide them into three categories: pleasure, gratification and killing time.
Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, points out in his book Authentic Happiness, that we use short hand when we talk about things we like. For instance, we might say “I like watching TV”, “I like long, hot showers” and “I like doing genealogy”. However, if you think about it, these different activities probably elicit different emotions but we use the blanket word of “like” to describe them all. Seligman distinguishes between pleasure and gratification. A pleasure is something that you derive some sort of good feeling but requires little attention and virtually no skill. In the above example, taking a long, hot shower is a pleasure. A gratification, however, requires attention and a certain degree of skill. It might even be challenging and sometimes frustrating. Doing genealogy is something that brings good feelings (assuming you’re into that kind of thing) but it also requires skill and concentration. When historical tidbits are unearthed, there is a feeling of gratification. Pleasures are short-lived. Gratifications are short-lived as well but do last longer than pleasures. The anticipation of doing something gratifying in the future can also add to the longevity. Gratifying experiences might also be something you look back on with pride. Reminiscing is a form of Savoring Life’s Joys, which is one of the twelve Happiness Habits recommended by Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness. Savoring is also a great way to get more mileage out of that brief pleasure. The long, hot shower may last 20 minutes, but by using the skill of Mindfulness, you can luxuriate in that shower and your perception of time will last longer and your enjoyment will be heightened.
In my next post, I will address the final category of “fun”: killing time.
~Frank Clayton, LPC

Older Entries

Sleep Your Way To Happiness

I Apologize

No News is Good News

Am I Becoming a Happiness Snob?

Diary of a Happy Therapist: 8 Minute Meditation-Week One

Kill Joy

Are We Having Fun Yet?

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