So, you want to be Happy?
As with any worthwhile endeavor, Happiness deserves a plan. As the old saying goes, People “don’t plan to fail. They fail to plan” (~Harvey MacKay). So, what is YOUR plan for Happiness?
Does it involve finding your soul mate, getting a big promotion or getting your degree? THEN you will be happy?
Studies on Happiness have demonstrated over and over again that people are poor predictors of their own Happiness. Choosing your goals for Happiness deserve careful thought and planning.
Happiness 101 will teach you about important elements when making your goals toward Happiness.
Join us Monday, November 30th 7pm. See upcoming events at www.saltlakementalhealth.com or call 801-262-0317 for recorded information.
One of Martin Seligman’s chief criticisms of the psychological community is that it focuses on the negative and what is WRONG. As the founder of positive psychology he encourages us to accentuate our strengths and virtues. So, in my own little way, I propose that we create a new diagnosis, one that focuses on the positive. The Diagnositic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM IV) is considered to be THE bible of psychology with approximately 950 pages offering the specific criteria for various DISorders. On page 356 you will find the criteria for a Major Depressive Episode. But no where will you find a diagnosis about Happiness, for it is not a DISorder. So, I have taken the criteria for a Major Depressive Disorder and turned it into the criteria for Major Happiness Order (an “order” must be the opposite of a “disorder”, right)? Here, then, is the criteria for MHO:
So, how do you give thanks at Thanksgiving? Do you say your bi-annual prayer and start shoveling or do you really stop to think about all the things there are to be grateful for? It’s easy to be thankful for your job or the fact that you have a place to live or your children or spouse. One of the Happiness Habits suggested by Sonja Lyubomirsky is expressing gratitude. Last year, we started a new tradition at my house. We wrote down anything and everything we could think of to be grateful for. The criteria was that if it was anything that you would be mad, sad or disappointed that you DIDN’T have it tomorrow, then it belonged on the list. Think about it. When is the last time you really appreciated your elbow. But if tomorrow morning you woke up and it wasn’t there anymore, you would probably be very upset (and considerably bewildered, I’m sure). Why do we only appreciate things once they are gone? I say, let us be thankful for them TODAY – and what better day to do that than Thanksgiving? Enjoy your elbows and your turkey (not necessarily in that order)
What brings you happiness? Money? Promotion? Fame? Beauty? 
Imagine: you are 22. You are in college, going after your big career. You have a fiancé. You are making a little money on the side while you finish up college. Your whole life is ahead of you. Then, quite unexpectedly, you start hearing voices. You can’t concentrate. The voices make you irritable. Your grades slip. Your fiancé and boss know something is wrong but you feel like you can’t tell anyone. You lose your job and are kicked out of school for poor grades. Your fiancé talks you into seeing a counselor. You have your whole life ahead of you – with schizophrenia. 
Last night I had the pleasure of listening to Wendy Mendenhall speak. She is putting together an amazing institution called Tao Metaversity. You will be hearing a lot more about it over the coming months – trust me on that! You can read all about it at http://taometaversity.wordpress.com During her talk, Wendy told an amazing story. She was asked to go to a school and address classes of three different grades: second, third and sixth grades, to be specific. Wendy enthusiastically asked the second graders, “Who here is an artist?”. EVERY hand went up! She went around the room asking what art they specialized in. One boy said, “I dressed myself!” Another girl said she decorated her room. Each student excitedly shared how they, in their own way, expressed themselves as an artist. When Wendy went to the third graders and asked “Who here is an artist?” – HALF the hands went up. Wendy asked herself “What happened to the other half of the artists?” When she went to the sixth graders and asked the same question, only one hand went up. That one student’s hand was literally being yanked down by the student next to him, telling him “You’re not an artist. Put your hand down. You’re embarassing yourself.” The other student struggled to keep his hand up, insisting “I am too an artist!” What happened? Their definition of an artist got smaller and smaller until it was confined and narrow.
Right now, I feel angry. I won’t bother with the details but rest assured, I am very, very angry.
We had a wonderful discussion in Happiness 101 last night about four different archetypes of Happiness. What differentiates these archetypes is their focus on happiness – whether it is in the past, present or the future. The Hedonist seeks happiness in instance gratification, sacrificing the future. The Ratracer sacrifices the present in hopes of a brighter future. The Nihilist has, essentially, given up on happiness, neither deriving pleasure from the present nor even hope of happiness from the future. People can be find themselves in this frame of mind when past attempts to be happy have not worked and they give up. Then there is my favorite – the Happy archetype. Those in this category strive for their goals but remember to live in the moment and enjoy the journey. In his book, Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar sums up the happy archetype by explaining that if climbing a mountain, the happy archetype would not just focus on reaching the summit, nor would he fixate on the journey. He would both enjoy the climb AND the achievement.
