[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXDdt7D8xmo&rel=0]
Since teaching classes about Happiness over the last few months, I have been inspired by the material I have reviewed as well as those who attend my classes (I hesitate to call them “students”, for at times, they are my teacher). I have challenged myself to do more than talk the talk but to walk the walk side-by-side with those who show up each week and (like myself) aspire to be happier. Let me say, that I believe myself to be a pretty happy person but have also found many areas for improvement.
In the Art of Happiness, The Dalai Lama said “one begins by identifying those factors which lead to happiness and those which lead to suffering. Having done this, one then sets about gradually eliminating those factors which lead to suffering and cultivating those which lead to happiness. That is the way.” A very eloquent way of saying find out what makes you happy and do more of that and find out what makes you unhappy and do less of that. While simple in concept, practice can prove challenging. This is the path I write about today.
Through mindfulness I realized outdated thoughts still haunted my Happiness. Old hurts not consciously thought or spoken of have thwarted my strivings to be Happier. Each time I have taught a class about Happiness, I have been reminded of the power of choice – the choice to be happy - or not. The four rules of group are: no blame, no shame, no guilt and no complaining. When faced with the stark choice to be happy or unhappy, the choice is clear. Superimposing the same clarity of choice, forgiveness is an easy choice to make over continued resentment. So, I made the choice – and I made it before I had even consciously made it.
I booked a reservation with SkyDive Utah to jump out of a plane over one week ago. I was not exactly sure why I had done it, but I had done it and it felt right. As the day came nearer I sensed that this was more than just doing something different. There was a shift happening within me and the jump was to represent something special.
I think there are some misperceptions about Happiness. Sadly, Happiness has even become the butt of jokes and ridicule at times because of these misperceptions. Happiness does not mean going around with a silly grin on your face no matter WHAT is going on in your life. For some, it might not be a silly grin at all. The way Happiness looks and is expressed is different from one person to another. Happy people cry, get angry and frustrated just like unhappy people. The difference is that these natural emotions are expressed much less than the unhappy person. Happy people express their feelings but choose not to get stuck in it. Conversely, unhappy people do feel, happiness, joy and elation at times. Unfortunately for them, these are the exceptions and not their typical state of mind. 
Two monks spent time in prison where they were brutally tortured. Years after their release they met on a road. One monk asked if he had yet forgiven his tormentors. The monk replied, “Never! I will never forgive them.” His fellow monk frowned and said, “Then I guess they still have you in prison.” 
So, you say you want to be happier? If you have been listening to the “Happy Hour” conference call classes about Happiness (also available for download here on the blog), you know that much of the “trick” of being Happier is changing our negative thoughts. For instance, the average person complains 70 times a day! The average person has 45,000 negative thoughts per day – that’s 80% of our thoughts in the typical day (60,000). The founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, did a study in which he took a group of severely depressed patients. He asked them to do this one thing (that should take you no more than three minutes a day) and had a 94% success rate! After merely 15 days his patients had improved to the level of mildly or moderately depressed. That’s just in 15 days! The “one thing” is to write down any three positives. Especially when one is that depressed, the negative muscles are quite strong and the positive ones weak. By giving attention to the positives, it strengthens your positive muscles. The wonderful thing about doing this exercise, the more you focus on the positives, the more you see or more concisely put: What you appreciate, appreciates. Another phenomenon is that when we share our positives with others, they start appreciating the positives more too. It is for this reason I share my three positives for the day here on my blog. You will find them in the Home Opportunities section. Feel free to add YOUR three positives for the day there as well.
